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HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND A VERY HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR 2008 TO YOU

HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND A VERY HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR 2008 TO YOU

HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND A VERY HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR 2008 TO YOU

What a Woman Wants in a Man

Second Pregnancy

 

 

Looks likethestork is expected again! You face is glowing, there is happiness all around and everyone is excitedly awaiting the new arrival. However, there are certain things that must be kept in mind for planning a second pregnancy. If you are thinking that since you had an easy first pregnancy, this one will be a cakewalk, think again! Majority of women don’t have the same symptoms as the first pregnancy and even get some symptoms that they were totally unaware of. Sometimes, the belly shows up within the fourth month, while for some, there are increased incidents of morning sickness. Here’s how to go about planning pregnancy for the second time.

 

Physical Preparation

 

Your body has already undergone the travails of pregnancy once. A lot of wear and tear takes place which heals with time. So when you plan to have second child, make sure that your body is in a healthy condition. Remember the body will be under immense pressure for nine months, not to mention the post-delivery complications. So make sure you give your body time to heal and become strong to bear a baby for the second time.

 

Appropriate Gap between Two Kids

 

There should be enough time gap between your first and second child. Ideally, doctors recommend that the time gap should not be less than 1.5 to 2 years. This is the time that the body also takes to prepare itself for a second baby. you also need at least two years to take care of the first baby properly and then prepare yourself for the second one. Having a toddler already and then a new born will only make things difficult for you and the children. Also, the first born child will not feel as neglected if he/she is old enough to understand that a second child is coming and needs attention.

 

Plan Carefully

 

It is a fact that most of the second pregnancies are unplanned. You need to know that your body becomes fertile in just 6 weeks after the delivery. So, plan your second baby carefully or else, you might treat it like an unwanted child. This kind of a feeling will hamper you greatly when you are pregnant as you tend to go through a stressful time and also suffer from post-partum depression.

 

Financially Strong        

 

Make sure you have enough finances to support a second baby. Doctor visits, baby products, health supplements, medicines, etc. can burn quite a hole in your pocket. So make sure you are financially sound to have a second child. Also, plan soundly for the future keeping both the kids in mind. You will need to fish out a good amount for education and career building for the two kids; not to mention their different lifestyles and demands.

 

So, keep these few things in mind and you can look forward to a great second pregnancy!

15 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR WOMAN

Its all about Wives

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

 
************
 
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met .

 
************
 
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

 
************

 
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."

I asked her, "Where's the car?"

She replied, "
In the lake."

 
************

 
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

 
************
 

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months -
I don't like to interrupt her.

 
************

 
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.

So I got myself two girlfriends.

 
************

 
Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.

 
************

 
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
 

************

 
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "
Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: "
You can have mine."

 
*************

 
It's not true that married men live longer than single men.

It only seems longer.
 

*************

 
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

 
*************

 
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

 
**************

 
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once .


 
**************

 

Top 50 Things To Do To Stop Global Warming

Global warming is a dramatically urgent and serious problem. We don't need to wait for governments to find a solution for this problem: each individual can bring an important help adopting a more responsible lifestyle: starting from little, everyday things. It's the only reasonable way to save our planet, before it is too late.
Here is a list of 50 simple things that everyone can do in order to fight against and reduce the Global Warming phenomenon: some of these ideas are at no cost, some other require a little effort or investment but can help you save a lot of money, in the middle-long term!
 
1.      Replace a regular incandescent light bulb with a compact fluorescent light bulb (cfl)

CFLs use 60% less energy than a regular bulb. This simple switch will save about 300 pounds of carbon dioxide a year.
 
 
2.      Install a programmable thermostat

Programmable thermostats will automatically lower the heat or air conditioning at night and raise them again in the morning. They can save you $100 a year on your energy bill.
 
3.      Move your thermostat down
 
2° in winter and up 2° in summer
Almost half of the energy we use in our homes goes to heating and cooling. You could save about 2,000 pounds of carbon dioxide a year with this simple adjustment. The American Council for an Energy Efficient Economy has more tips for saving energy on heating and cooling.
 
4.      Clean or replace filters on your furnace and air conditioner

Cleaning a dirty air filter can save 350 pounds of carbon dioxide a year.
 
5.      Choose energy efficient appliances when making new purchases

Look for the Energy Star label on new appliances to choose the most efficient models available.
 
6.      Do not leave appliances on standby

Use the "on/off" function on the machine itself. A TV set that's switched on for 3 hours a day (the average time Europeans spend watching TV) and in standby mode during the remaining 21 hours uses about 40% of its energy in standby mode.
 
7.      Wrap your water heater in an insulation blanket

You’ll save 1,000 pounds of carbon dioxide a year with this simple action. You can save another 550 pounds per year by setting the thermostat no higher than 50°C.
 
8.      Move your fridge and freezer

Placing them next to the cooker or boiler consumes much more energy than if they were standing on their own. For example, if you put them in a hot cellar room where the room temperature is 30-35ºC, energy use is almost double and causes an extra 160kg of CO2 emissions for fridges per year and 320kg for freezers.
 
9.      Defrost old fridges and freezers regularly

Even better is to replace them with newer models, which all have automatic defrost cycles and are generally up to two times more energy-efficient than their predecessors.
 
10.  Don't let heat escape from your house over a long period

When airing your house, open the windows for only a few minutes. If you leave a small opening all day long, the energy needed to keep it warm inside during six cold months (10ºC or less outside temperature) would result in almost 1 ton of CO2 emissions.
 
11.  Replace your old single-glazed windows with double-glazing

This requires a bit of upfront investment, but will halve the energy lost through windows and pay off in the long term. If you go for the best the market has to offer (wooden-framed double-glazed units with low-emission glass and filled with argon gas), you can even save more than 70% of the energy lost.
 
12.  Get a home energy audit

Many utilities offer free home energy audits to find where your home is poorly insulated or energy inefficient. You can save up to 30% off your energy bill and 1,000 pounds of carbon dioxide a year. Energy Star can help you find an energy specialist.
 
13.  Cover your pots while cooking

Doing so can save a lot of the energy needed for preparing the dish. Even better are pressure cookers and steamers: they can save around 70%!
 
14.  Use the washing machine or dishwasher only when they are full

If you need to use it when it is half full, then use the half-load or economy setting. There is also no need to set the temperatures high. Nowadays detergents are so efficient that they get your clothes and dishes clean at low temperatures.
 
 
15.  Take a shower instead of a bath

A shower takes up to four times less energy than a bath. To maximise the energy saving, avoid power showers and use low-flow showerheads, which are cheap and provide the same comfort.
 
16.  Use less hot water

It takes a lot of energy to heat water. You can use less hot water by installing a low flow showerhead (350 pounds of carbon dioxide saved per year) and washing your clothes in cold or warm water (500 pounds saved per year) instead of hot.
 
17.  Use a clothesline instead of a dryer whenever possible

You can save 700 pounds of carbon dioxide when you air dry your clothes for 6 months out of the year.
 
18.  Insulate and weatherize your home

Properly insulating your walls and ceilings can save 25% of your home heating bill and 2,000 pounds of carbon dioxide a year. Caulking and weather-stripping can save another 1,700 pounds per year. Energy Efficient has more information on how to better insulate your home.
 
19.  Be sure you’re recycling at home

You can save 2,400 pounds of carbon dioxide a year by recycling half of the waste your household generates.
 
20.  Recycle your organic waste

Around 3% of the greenhouse gas emissions through the methane is released by decomposing bio-degradable waste. By recycling organic waste or composting it if you have a garden, you can help eliminate this problem! Just make sure that you compost it properly, so it decomposes with sufficient oxygen, otherwise your compost will cause methane emissions and smell foul.
 
21.  Buy intelligently

One bottle of 1.5l requires less energy and produces less waste than three bottles of 0.5l. As well, buy recycled paper products: it takes less 70 to 90% less energy to make recycled paper and it prevents the loss of forests worldwide.
 
22.  Choose products
 
 that come with little packaging and buy refills when you can
You will also cut down on waste production and energy use!
 
23.  Reuse your shopping bag

When shopping, it saves energy and waste to use a reusable bag instead of accepting a disposable one in each shop. Waste not only discharges CO2 and methane into the atmosphere, it can also pollute the air, groundwater and soil.
 
24.  Reduce waste

Most products we buy cause greenhouse gas emissions in one or another way, e.g. during production and distribution. By taking your lunch in a reusable lunch box instead of a disposable one, you save the energy needed to produce new lunch boxes.
 
25.  Plant a tree

A single tree will absorb one ton of carbon dioxide over its lifetime. Shade provided by trees can also reduce your air conditioning bill by 10 to 15%. The Arbor Day Foundation has information on planting and provides trees you can plant with membership.
 
26.  Switch to green power

In many areas, you can switch to energy generated by clean, renewable sources such as wind and solar. The Green Power Network is a good place to start to figure out what’s available in your area.
 
27.  Buy locally grown and produced foods

The average meal in the United States travels 1,200 miles from the farm to your plate. Buying locally will save fuel and keep money in your community.
 
28.  Buy fresh foods instead of frozen

Frozen food uses 10 times more energy to produce.
 
29.  Seek out and support local farmers markets

They reduce the amount of energy required to grow and transport the food to you by one fifth. You can find a farmer’s market in your area at the USDA website.
 
30.  Buy organic foods as much as possible

Organic soils capture and store carbon dioxide at much higher levels than soils from conventional farms. If we grew all of our corn and soybeans organically, we’d remove 580 billion pounds of carbon dioxide from the atmosphere!
 
31.  Eat less meat

Methane is the second most significant greenhouse gas and cows are one of the greatest methane emitters. Their grassy diet and multiple stomachs cause them to produce methane, which they exhale with every breath.
 
32.  Reduce the number of miles you drive by walking, biking, carpooling or taking mass transit wherever possible

Avoiding just 10 miles of driving every week would eliminate about 500 pounds of carbon dioxide emissions a year! Look for transit options in your area.
 
33.  Start a carpool with your coworkers or classmates

Sharing a ride with someone just 2 days a week will reduce your carbon dioxide emissions by 1,590 pounds a year. ERideShare.com runs a free national service connecting commuters and travelers.
 
34.  Don't leave an empty roof rack on your car

This can increase fuel consumption and CO2 emissions by up to 10% due to wind resistance and the extra weight - removing it is a better idea.
 
35.  Keep your car tuned up

Regular maintenance helps improve fuel efficiency and reduces emissions. When just 1% of car owners properly maintain their cars, nearly a billion pounds of carbon dioxide are kept out of the atmosphere.
 
36.  Drive carefully and do not waste fuel

You can reduce CO2 emissions by readjusting your driving style. Choose proper gears, do not abuse the gas pedal, use the engine brake instead of the pedal brake when possible and turn off your engine when your vehicle is motionless for more than one minute. By readjusting your driving style you can save money on both fuel and car mantainance.
 
37.  Check your tires weekly to make sure they’re properly inflated

Proper inflation can improve gas mileage by more than 3%. Since every gallon of gasoline saved keeps 20 pounds of carbon dioxide out of the atmosphere, every increase in fuel efficiency makes a difference!
 
38.  When it is time for a new car, choose a more fuel efficient vehicle

You can save 3,000 pounds of carbon dioxide every year if your new car gets only 3 miles per gallon more than your current one. You can get up to 60 miles per gallon with a hybrid! You can find information on fuel efficiency on Fuel Economy and on Green Cars websites.
 
39.  Try car sharing

Need a car but don’t want to buy one? Community car sharing organizations provide access to a car and your membership fee covers gas, maintenance and insurance. Many companies – such as Flex car - offer low emission or hybrid cars too!
 
40.  Try telecommuting from home

Telecommuting can help you drastically reduce the number of miles you drive every week. For more information, check out the Telework Coalition.
 
41.  Fly less

Air travel produces large amounts of emissions so reducing how much you fly by even one or two trips a year can reduce your emissions significantly. You can also offset your air travel by investing in renewable energy projects.
 
42.  Encourage your school or business to reduce emissions

You can extend your positive influence on global warming well beyond your home by actively encouraging other to take action.
 
43.  Join the virtual march

The Stop Global Warming Virtual March is a non-political effort to bring people concerned about global warming together in one place. Add your voice to the hundreds of thousands of other people urging action on this issue.
 
44.  Encourage the switch to renewable energy

Successfully combating global warming requires a national transition to renewable energy sources such as solar, wind and biomass. These technologies are ready to be deployed more widely but there are regulatory barriers impeding them. Take action to break down those barriers with Vote Solar.
 
45.  Protect and conserve forest worldwide

Forests play a critial role in global warming: they store carbon. When forests are burned or cut down, their stored carbon is release into the atmosphere - deforestation now accounts for about 20% of carbon dioxide emissions each year. Conservation International has more information on global warming and forests.
 
46.  Consider the impact of your investments

If you invest your money, you should consider the impact that your investments and savings will have on global warming. Check out Social Invest and Ceres to can learn more about how to ensure your money is being invested in companies, products and projects that address issues related to climate change.
 
47.  Make your city cool

Cities and states around the country have taken action to stop global warming by passing innovative transportation and energy saving legislation. 194 cities nationwide representing over 40 million people have made this pledge as part of the U.S. Mayors Climate Protection Agreement. Find out how to make your city a cool city.
 
48.  Tell Congress to act

The McCain Lieberman Climate Stewardship and Innovation Act would set a firm limit on carbon dioxide emissions and then use free market incentives to lower costs, promote efficiency and spur innovation. Tell your representative to support it.
 
49.  Make sure your voice is heard!

Americans must have a stronger commitment from their government in order to stop global warming and implement solutions and such a commitment won’t come without a dramatic increase in citizen lobbying for new laws with teeth. Get the facts about U.S. politicians and candidates at Project Vote Smart and The League of Conservation Voters. Make sure your voice is heard by voting!
 
50.  Share this list!

Send this page via e-mail to your friends! Spread this list worldwide and help people doing their part: the more people you will manage to enlighten, the greater YOUR help to save the planet will be

 

9 Words women use & if MAN IS not alert,will pay heavily in Emotions

9 Words women use & if  MAN IS not alert,will pay heavily in Emotions
9words
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and
you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to     --- watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you
should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'nothing' usually end in 'fine.'

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about
nothing. (Refer back to #3
for the meaning of 'nothing.')

6.) That's okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can  make to a man.
'That's okay' means she wants to think long and hard before
deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say
"You're welcome."

8.) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is  --- something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it  herself.
This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?"
For the woman's     ----- response refer to #3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid breaking up with their girlfriend ---if they remember the terminology.

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, 'cause they --know it's true.

 

Then You Grew

When I held you in my arms for the very first time,
I thought I could never love you more. . . .
but then you grew…

In those precious baby times-- through your first smile,
your first tooth, your first steps,
I thought I could never love you more. . .
but then you grew…

And in those sweet toddler times-- the endless days of curiosity
and adventures and discoveries,
I thought I could never love you more. . .
Then you grew…

And in those wonderful little girl times-- those days of hurt knees and hurt feelings
of making friends and taking in the world around you,
I thought I could never love you more. . .
but then you grew…

And in those lovely young woman times-- those times of moods
and mysteries, and joys and heartaches,
I thought I could never love you more. . .
but again, you grew….

And still, always, day by day,
you keep growing. . .
more and more beautiful. . .
nearer and dearer to my heart.
and I thought I could never love you more..

- Anon

“BAI” GOD!

Yes, the "Bai" is truly God in our lives, isn't she? All you women out there who run homes and deal with temperamental house help will understand what I'm trying to say. In India, it's hard to ape the west and do household chores ourselves. We have different food habits, different lifestyles, lots of dust….in short we are definitely dependent on the "Bai" or house help!

But, believe me, we have lots to learn from the Bai…
Have you ever noticed their direct approach in life? When they come for a job interview, all they want to know is "how much salary?" They never elaborate on their timings of work, their skills etc.

Noticed their method of getting their due? When they want an advance, they want an advance. If you dilly dally, they threaten to walk out, so you just have to agree.

The Bai has attitude! If you remind her of what you gave her last Diwali, how you paid for her kid's schooling or the advances you gave her when she needed them, and expect gratitude, forget it! She will turn around and say with complete confidence, " But that is your duty, you wanted to do it so you did it. Everybody does it!". Such comments have often left me speechless.

Bais have mastered the art of "mukti" or not being attached to anything or anyone. They are truly evolved and have reached the level of Nirvana because they never get attached to worldly things. If they are working for you, they love your kids, say they are devoted to you and will only work for you! Let someone offer them Rs. 50 more in terms of salary, and they will walk out. There is no attachment, no loyalty or word of honour then.

Every time the Bai takes leave unannounced ( whenever I have guests or have some urgent work to be done) I have threatened her with a salary cut for her absenteeism. But she has always outsmarted me with her innovative thinking: "No body cuts salary, if you don't like my work I will leave" I have never understood the connection, and now I have given up trying to as well. We, and our politicians need to learn from the Bai how to deflect issues. They have mastered the art!

To conclude, all I can say is "Bai God!"
- Rasika

Too Busy to Notice

Of late I've found myself annoyed by how busy my friends seem. Putting aside the possibility that they are avoiding me, some are always on-the-go that they barely have time to tell me they do not have time to talk. Every phone call, no matter how short, seems to be interrupted by several others.

I consider my life to be somewhat filled and fulfilling. I have a husband and two children, work part time, exercise several times a week (well, usually) and socialize regularly. I also have time to read novels, catch a movie or play once in a while and have the occasional long lunch with a friend ( should I be embarrasses admitting this?)

In our busy, busy world, however, I sometimes feel as if I am the odd one out. Although those who are overworked and overwhelmed complain ceaselessly, often sounding boastful! I have realized that "busyness" differs from person to person. Every person has a different threshold. One of my friends finds one social engagement too much, whereas others love to party, party and party! Some may even trade in a little stress in stead of boredom, if they were doing something they enjoyed!

I know there are people who need to work for a living, who must work long hours in order to survive. But I am talking about those who love the self-imposed frenetic pace! I see it as unnecessary, but that's my personal opinion.

Frankly, if you ask me, too many people today are too busy to even notice that they are busy. By the time they realize, life has invariably passed them by. So, isn't it important to wake up to what exactly we are busy with? In stead of racing through life, going no where, shouldn't we start investing in relationships, things we love to do and find time for the people we love to meet?

- Alina

Of Cell Phones & Impatience…

I have never thought of myself as an impatient person, but the other day I discovered, cell phones had made me impatient! Let me tell you how….


When I call someone on the land line and there is no reply, I kind of take it for granted they are out, and I should call back later. But I don't seem to use the same logic when it comes to cell phones. If someone doesn't answer, or they don't return my missed call, it makes me impatient! I consider them impolite or even ill-mannered. My impatience makes me jump to conclusions!


I remember reading a piece about this doctor who was unable to use his cell phone, and his impatience almost drove him from busy to crazy! It drove him nuts to use a land line, and he got impatient waiting for the dial to return to start. He tried to think rationally and tried timing how long it took for the dial to return to start. To his surprise, it only took eleven seconds! That's when he realized how he had become a man in a hurry even when there was no reason to hurry!


Every time my teenaged son mumbles into his incessantly ringing cell phone it makes me mad! Here we are in the midst of a serious conversation and off he goes into a totally different world! This happens at work too. I'm just about getting an important point across to my team, when one of them gets a call on the cell phone. Yes, he's put it on silent, but nevertheless I see his attention waver! I have to start all over again…


People are known to disrupt important meetings when they get a call and say " oh! This one's important. I need to take it" Was there a life before the cell phone? Didn't we have important issues to deal with, those days? How on earth did we manage to?


I often think why is this happening to us? Is it really happening to us or are we doing it to ourselves? Cell phones are just a touch away, they are a status symbol and give one a kind of "high". Are we afraid to slow down? Is it this innate desire for control that is making people lose it?


- Ritika

Mom’s The Word!

 

Some people ( or should I say most people) never seem to realize how lucky they are. I am grateful for every day that passes, for all that I have. I don't really mean how much I own or what I possess, but the wealth of relationships in my bag! My family, parents, siblings, husband, friends… the crazy times, the closeness, the love.

Of course I complain "sometimes" ( my husband and kids would like to alter that I'm sure, to "almost always" ) – as a mom I think I have reason enough. Being a mom isn't easy, and what makes it even more difficult, is the fact that this is a thankless job. For all that you do as a mom, 30 years down the line, someone will still take a look at your kid ( now an adult of course) and pronounce rather grandly " raised all wrong!"

Even though I get hassled about small things, worry about a child's cold, get tired putting their toys away or cleaning up messy rooms, when I sit back to think, I know motherhood is a thankless job, but it is still worthwhile.

I'd love to network with all those moms out there and soon we can have a Moms Blog where we can air our worries / anxieties! I'd love to share what motherhood has taught me, and I'm sure lots of you out there have lots of practical experience I could learn and benefit from.

So lets get started! Blog away…

- Dipika

Growing Up!

 

Aaah! Those growing up years, when you just can't wait to grow up and "feel" grown up! How we longed for it! Years which are beautiful only in hindsight.

My sister and I were just two years apart. Torturing each other was the most important thing in life, at that moment. We fought about everything there was to fight about: whose friends were more obnoxious, who was mom's favourite, who would get the better dress that birthday, who messed up the room and who would tidy it up.

We even fought over the family dog! Who would walk him, who he would sleep with and who he loved more. Snoopy was a delirious Beagle who took great pride in how fast he could swish his tail and lick us at the same time. I would conveniently make up stories about how Snoopy had slobbered all over me and that was enough for the weeping willow!

We considered each other a waste of human space, and didn't hesitate to say so. Several tearful days followed, as did the parent's wrath. Dad always said once you both grow up, you won't be able to live without each other. Yes, we believed him like life would be full of Sundays! We scoffed the very thought and couldn't wait for each other to get out of the room, house and lives!

School was the other nightmare! Having this lil' sister winging around and I got ticked off by the teachers for all that she hadn't done. Being constantly told that I was the role model and had to set an example got my goat. Why couldn't she just be a separate individual?

Why were we clubbed together like Siamese twins? People felt obliged to invite her when they invited me to birthday parties / movies. I'd much rather have just dropped her in the garbage bin than have to suffer her for a whole evening. I often told her she was adopted and reduced her to tears. Sounds mean in hindsight, but I enjoyed seeing that expression on her face those days and loved it when the water works started!

Wonder if others go through these streaks of "hating" the sibling or am I different?
- Shirin

Prohibition of Dowry

And to think that countless women are still being ‘burnt’ alive and tortured for dowry. Yes, despite the Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961, which is supposedly formulated to prohibit the evil practice of giving and taking dowry; despite the fact that a mere demanding of dowry is punishable under this Act, (and any agreement for giving or taking dowry is void under the Act), dowry still persists.

Four decades ago, it was felt that a legislature that makes the practice of dowry punishable will make a difference. Today, though the dowry threat lurks in every house contemplating marriage, the only consolation is, at least, the number has withered over the years. As for eradication, only time will tell.

Dowry as defined by the Act is any valuable security given or agreed to be given by one party to the other party, at/before or at any time after the marriage, in connection with the marriage.

Penalty

Imprisonment of not less than five years and fine which shall not be less than Rs 15,000 or the value of the dowry, whichever is more.

The Court may, for special reasons, which are to be recorded in the judgment, impose a term of imprisonment of less than five years.

If any person offers any share in property or any money or both as share in business or other interest as consideration for the marriage of his son/daughter, through any advertisement, in any newspaper/periodical, journal or other media or prints/publishes/circulates any such advertisements, such person shall be punishable for a term not less than six months but not exceeding five years or with a fine not exceeding Rs 15,000.

Exception

Gifts/presents given at the time of marriage to the bride/bridegroom are not considered to be dowry, provided…

They are given without any demand.

Lists of such gifts - their approximate value, the name of the givers etc. - should be maintained and should contain the signatures of both the parties to the marriage, or thumb impression if the party to the marriage is illiterate. If it’s latter, it should also have the signature of the person who has read out the list to the illiterate party.

Gifts should be of a customary nature and the value of such gifts should not be excessive and should have a regard to the financial status of the giver or the person on whose behalf they are given.

If the dowry has already been given before/at the time of marriage or after the marriage, the person who has received the dowry has to transfer back within three months from the date of marriage (if it was received before the marriage) or within three months from the date of its receipt (if it was received at the time or at any time after the marriage).

In case the woman is a minor, such person shall hold it in trust for the benefit of the woman and transfer it to the woman within one year after she has attained majority.

If the party concerned fails to transfer the property as required within the time limit as specified, he/she shall be punishable with imprisonment for a term of not less than six months, which may extend to two years or with a fine not less than Rs 5,000 (that maybe extended to Rs 10,000).

Indian Law: apathetic to Women's Rights?

Over three-quarters of Indian judges have never heard of the Convention on Discrimination against Women despite the Indian Government having ratified it. Shocked?

Apathy or Ignorance?
The first legal initiative to define the human rights of women in terms of women's reality is the Convention on Discrimination against Women. The Indian Government has ratified it. Yet more than 75 per cent of our judges had not heard of it.

Over 90 per cent of them said that they would not want their daughters or female relatives to opt for legal redress in case of domestic violence. Almost 75 percent of them felt that preservation of the family should be a primary concern for the women even if there was violence. 70 percent of our judges thought that wearing 'provocative' clothes was an invitation to a sexual assault.

These shocking findings were thrown up by a report prepared in late 1996 by Sakshi, a NGO working for women's rights. They clearly indicated that the Indian judiciary is still unaware of the issues regarding violence against women.

An emergency situation
Retired judge V.R.Krishna Iyer, who has served on the bench of the Supreme Court, has been quoted as having said that it is an emergency-like situation and judicial powers have to be used to restore the dignity of women.

He has time and again said that it is vital for judges to be sensitive towards issues of human suffering. But many of them are insensitive. Never appoint a person as a judge unless he has the capacity to weep in the face of human suffering, Justice Iyer has proclaimed on numerous public occasions.

More women lawyers?
What is needed is the sensitisation of the judiciary to women's issues. However, this is not enough. There must be more women judges. Lawyer Indira Jaising feels that unless this happens, getting justice for women will remain difficult. Of the 545 high court judges in India, only 10 are women. This might be the reason why women are afraid and nervous in courts.

Not women-friendly
Another report that Sakshi prepared by interviewing women litigants reveals that they feel self-conscious in a predominantly male environment in courts. Most of the women interviewed said that they were humiliated and embarrassed by the number of men staring at them. Such discomfort becomes acute in cases that deal with violence and sexual assault. Even when the defence asks the women offensive questions, the male judges do not see them as inappropriate, despite the objections raised by her or her lawyers. Judges are completely in the dark when it comes to the traumatic experiences of a woman subject to domestic violence or sexual assault.

Moving towards gender sensitivity
Sakshi is involved in gender sensitivity training - getting judges to understand the social context of violence against women and realise the gender inequalities prevalent in our society. It attempts to create in them empathy for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.

There has been an alarming increase in the number of cases of violence against women. So we do need to examine the alternatives, other than the Indian law courts, that these women can employ to seek justice. But that does not mean that we ignore the failings of our judicial system. Our law courts have been guilty of holding women-victims in cases of violence and assault - in a perpetual state of consent. Unless this changes, justice for women in India will remain a distant dream.

Economic Rights of Women Within Marriage

The economic rights of married women, during the subsistence of marriage and on dissolution of marriage shall be protected by law.

All endowments pledged to a woman at the time of her marriage, whether by parents, parents-in-law or her husband, and gifts given to her shall be her absolute and separate property.

Adequate maintenance, including interim maintenance, shall be provided to the dependent spouse during the subsistence of the marriage.

During the subsistence of the marriage, the wife's access to matrimonial assets must be guaranteed, including her right to reside in the matrimonial home.

Laws against domestic violence shall empower the courts to grant injunction restraining a violent spouse from entering the matrimonial home.

In case of dissolution of a marriage, the courts shall decide all related matters, e.g. divorce/dissolution, maintenance/alimony or dower/financial settlement and provision of shelter simultaneously, except disputes relating to custody of minors. In doing so, separate procedures shall be laid down in order to provide for expeditious disposal of suits.

Assets movable or immovable, accumulated during the subsistence of the marriage shall be distributed equally on the termination of the marriage.

Inheritance laws shall be changed to ensure that the share of the male and female heirs of the same class of kinship shall be equal. Upon the death of the husband, the widow and her children shall inherit, in equal proportion, half of the immovable and movable assets accumulated by the couple during the subsistence of the marriage. The widow shall remain the sole owner of the balance half of such assets till her death.

The children shall inherit in equal proportion, the share of their mother's assets.

The right side of the law

We present below the entire text of the declaration adopted at the workshop on Family Laws in Lahore, on August 4 and 5, 1995.

Courtesy " Justice for women" Edited by Indira Jaising

Declaration of the Workshop on Family Laws and Human Rights of Women, Lahore.

Preamble

Recalling that the constitutions of Bangladesh, India and Pakistan guarantee all citizens equality before the law;

Noting that such equality is denied to women and children in the sphere of Family Laws and which is of crucial significance to them; and

Realising that Family Laws of religious minorities have remained even more stagnant and often bear the risk of being influenced by the norms of the religious majority.

The participants of the two-day Workshop on Family Laws and Human Rights of Women in Bangladesh, India and Pakistan organised by AGHS Legal Aid Cell Lahore, call upon concerned persons, social action groups, political parties, legislators and the governments of these countries to campaign for and initiate reforms in the Family Laws in order to make them just and guarantee equal rights to all women and children.

Marriage, separation and Divorce

Both women and men shall be entitled to a free choice in marriage.

All women and men shall have equal rights in all matters relating to marriage, divorce, guardianship, maintenance and custody of children.

Marriages and divorces shall be properly registered and easy access to records be provided.

Child marriage shall be abolished. The minimum age of marriage for both women and men shall be eighteen years.

All Polygamous marriages shall be banned and made punishable. Such marriages shall be null and void and the injured party be adequately compensated.

Provisions pertaining to restitution of conjugal rights shall be deleted.

A Civil Law shall be enacted to provide for inter-faith marriages and their registration.

Women and men rshall have equal rights under citizenship laws and domiciliary regulations.

Spouses shall be entitled to judicial separation by mutual consent.

Distribution of movable and immovable assets and income upon divorce or dissolution of marriage shall be based on principles of justice and equity.

Matrimonial courts shall be established to deal exclusively with all disputes under Family Laws (including inheritance and return of personal belongings to the spouses). These courts shall have jurisdiction in respect of family matters of all religious communities. Court fee should be minimal.

The matrimonial courts shall have adequate representation of judges from religious minorities and women.

Execution of decrees passed by the matrimonial courts shall be made more effective and efficient.

Laws shall be enacted to allow for transfer of cases from one jurisdiction to another in family matters.

Women and men shall have statutory rights of free access to information about their rights through all avenues, including legal aid, the media and through curriculum in formal and informal educational centres.

Yes. The law is on our side. Most of the time. That should give us the strength to deal with petty problems with more tolerance. A way out is often to let air in and give a feeling of space. Not to just get up and run out at the first sign of trouble.

Human rights of women and girls

"Local Action/Global Change,
Learning About the Human Rights of Women and Girls"

UNIFEM and the Center for Women's Global Leadership have co-published a training manual on women's human rights entitled, "Local Action/Global Change, Learning About the Human Rights of Women and Girls," written by Mallika Dutt, Julie Mertus and Nancy Flowers.

The manual combines development of rights awareness with issue-oriented actions and includes substantive information about the human rights of women in such areas as violence, health, reproduction and sexuality, education, the global economy, the workplace, and family life. Each chapter connects the discussion to the provisions of CEDAW (the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women) and to the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action and other international agreements.

Local Action/Global Change provides tools for women and men to critically examine the framework of human rights.

Abortion laws in India

Grounds for Medical Termination of Pregnancy or MTP

As a health measure where there is a danger to the life or risk to physical or mental health of a woman.

On humanitarian grounds such as when pregnancy arises from a sex crime like rape or intercourse with a lunatic woman etc.

Eugenic grounds where there is substantial risk that the child, if born, would suffer from deformities and diseases.

Under the Act, a pregnancy may be terminated at a hospital established or maintained by the Government or at a place approved by the Government. A pregnancy may be terminated by a registered medical practitioner where the length of the pregnancy does not exceed twelve weeks.

To terminate a pregnancy, such medical practitioner must be of the opinion, formed in good faith, that the continuance of the pregnancy would involve a risk to the life of the pregnant woman or cause grave injury to her physical or mental health; or that there is a substantial risk that if the child were born, it would suffer from such physical or mental abnormalities as to be seriously handicapped.

If any pregnancy is alleged by the pregnant woman to have been caused by rape, the anguish caused by the pregnancy is presumed to constitute a grave injury to the mental health of the pregnant woman.

In all cases of termination of pregnancy, the consent of the pregnant woman has to be taken. However, in case the pregnant woman is below the age of eighteen, or who having reached the age of eighteen - is a lunatic, the written consent of her guardian is necessary.

Know your law, lady!

Female Infanticide Law

Female infanticide is a distressing phenomenon in India.

The Indian Penal Code makes it a criminal offence to prevent a child from being born alive or to cause it to die after birth, if such action is not undertaken to save the life of the mother. Punishment for such action may be imprisonment for up to 10 years and/or fines.

The Indian Penal Code also criminalises child abandonment.

Finally, Section 318 of the Indian Penal Code makes the "concealment of birth by secret disposal of the body," whether such child died before or after birth, a criminal offence.

Such an offence is punishable by up to two years imprisonment and/or fines.

Child Marriage Law

Although personal law, incorporating family law, is governed by a variety of religious laws, secular law deals with the issue of child marriage.

Because early marriage is prevalent in India, the central government, as early as 1929, promulgated the Child Marriage Restraint Act.

The act makes the contracting of a marriage, where the boy is under 21 years of age and/or the girl is under 18 years, punishable by imprisonment or fines.

However, courts have held that the Child Marriage Restraint Act does not render legally invalid marriages that were performed in contravention of the statute.

Domestic Violence Law

Although marriage and divorce are permitted on grounds of cruelty or physical harm, a major domestic violence problem is that of dowry deaths.

Dowry - a custom in which the bride's family provides the groom's family with material goods and possessions - is widely practised by all Indians.

Often, if the dowry is not paid in full, the new bride is burnt to death by her husband and in-laws. Section 304B of the Indian Penal Code, promulgated in 1986, criminalises such "dowry deaths."

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